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An unresolved story is something in your past that you are stuck on. It could be a painful memory that comes up when you least expect it. It could be something that is halting you from moving forward in any aspect of your life. Unresolved stories are associated with pain, and result in lack of growth and positive movement in your life. Many people who have unresolved stories feel confused about why they are in that space and unable to move forward. Maybe you have everything going for you but you don’t feel like you’re getting ahead. Maybe you feel overwhelmed with sadness and you can’t figure out why you can’t move forward from it. Maybe you are constantly telling yourself you don’t deserve good things and you can’t understand where those words are coming from.
As you read this, are you saying “that is me!”? Or, maybe you know somebody in that space? Many of us have been there. Many of us have unresolved stories from things that happened a lifetime ago, and some of us have painful events that have happened more recently. Regardless, there is hope to move forward and resolve your story by writing a new narrative.
Changing your narrative about an unresolved story is work. This will only happen when you put intentional effort into the process. You may be wondering, “how do I do that?” As you go through this process, it is helpful to keep a journal or maybe tell yourself aloud a new truth about your story.
The first step is to reflect back and identify a painful event or series of events in your life. This is very personal and subjective: What may be painful to you may not be painful to somebody else and vice versa. Examples of painful events include the loss of a loved one; loss of a relationship; a physical, emotional or sexual assault; attachment trauma; abandonment; infidelity; family discord; or even a confusing upbringing. Truly, this list is endless. Many painful events lead up to not feeling worthy or not feeling like you are good enough or safe enough.
Resolving your story means changing your narrative about an event. By changing your narrative, you can come to a place of acceptance and healing — you can move forward. This is different than “getting over it” in that you are giving yourself permission to heal and find new meaning.
